What will you do Valentines Day?
by Storygirl000
Summary: Pit and Captain Falcon interview smasher couples about today's plans. Rated T for swearing and minor sexual references.


"Do I _have_ to do this?" Pit grumbled, being ushered into a room by Master Hand. It wasn't so much that he didn't want to do this.

However, he was being forced to do this with Captain Falcon.

"Yes!" Master Hand growled. "I need you to interview a few couples and then be done with it. Besides, you can just deck Captain Casanova here if you need to.

Pit looked over at Captain Falcon, who was overdosing on breath mints, breath spray, underarm deoderant, and probably plotting to break these couples up so he could hook up with the ladies.

 _Yaaaay_.

The two quickly sat down behind a desk. In front of them was a pink couch decorated in hearts for the couples to sit in.

"The first couple is coming in...now!" Master Hand announced, getting out of the way.

In came Mario and Peach, holding hands. They sat down on the couch and looked at Pit and Captain Falcon expectantly.

"Oh!" Pit quickly pulled out a notecard. "We only have one question for you: How will you spend Valentines Day?"

Peach smiled. "We'll be going to the mushroom kingdom, and Mario's going to take me out to dinner there! He's so romantic!"

Mario blushed.

"Where'll you be going to?" Captain Falcon asked. "Because I know this quaint little Italian diner..."

Peach responded by flipping him off.

"Actually, she made-a me promise not to-a take her out-a for Italian for our dates anymore," Mario responded. "We'll-a be heading to-a Subway."

"Alright then. You're dismissed," Pit said, shooting a glare at his partner.

Mario and Peach headed out, and were replaced by...

"Rosalina and Shulk?" Pit gasped. "Never would've guessed it!"

Indeed, Rosalina had come in with Shulk and sat on the couch with him.

"Alright then," Pit said. "How will you spend Valentines Day?"

"Oh, Rosy told me about this little pizza place she used to work at," Shulk explained. "It's geared more towards kids, but she told me the food was great!"

"And it's got all these adorable animatronics!" Rosalina squealed.

Pit's heart skipped a beat. "Um...animatronics?" He turned to Shulk. "You haven't predicted anything going wrong, have you?"

Shulk smiled. "Pit, it's Chuck E Cheese's, not Freddy Fazbear's. We''ll be fine, don't worry!"

Pit let out a small sigh of relief.

"One more thing," Shulk said. He turned towards Captain Falcon. "You'll be badly beaten before this thing ends."

He and Rosalina walked out, leaving Pit with a confused expression on his face. He turned to the Captain. "How come you didn't flirt with her?"

"Because I don't stand a chance against that guy. He's a Brit, for crying out loud!"

Pit just rolled his eyes.

The next couple that came in was Link and Zelda. They sat down on the couch, and Pit asked them the question.

"Well, I'm taking Zelda out for dinner and a movie at one of those fancier movie theaters," Link explained.

"What movie?" Captain Falcon asked. Before he could continue, the Master Sword was pressed up against his chest.

" _Deadpool_ ," Zelda growled. "I've wanted to see it for awhile now. Besides, I know you'll probably recommend that shitty _Zoolander_ sequel." With that, Link withdrew the Master Sword, and he and Zelda walked out.

Then Pit realized that they'd been through all the mansion's couples. Except one.

He proceeded to beat Captain Falcon over the head with his chair. He didn't stop until he heard a voice.

"Um, what's going on here?"

Pit turned around and saw Samus and Dark Pit looking at him with confused looks on their faces. Samus went to look at the victim of Pit's wrath and smiled.

"It's okay, Dark, the victim's a douchebag," she told him. The two sat down on the couch.

Pit put his chair back and quickly sat down. "Alright, so what are you doing on Valentines Day?"

"Nothing much. Dark offered to show me a horror flick, something called _My Bloody Valentine_ , and then we're having a bit of fun in bed."

Pit chose not to press for details. "Alright then. You're dismissed."

The two walked out just as Captain Falcon woke up. He glared at Pit, who paid no attention.

He'd just done a favor for a brother, and he was content.

00000

 **Happy Valentines Day to all you with or without dates. As for my other stories, I'll update Krampus soon. I've just been busy with school.**


End file.
